Real love. What is it? I don’t believe there’s a true definition of it.  The fact will always remain that when you are in the presence of love, create love, or when you’re in love, you throw caution to the wind. You are all-in — drowning immersed in an emotional baptism.

You’ve felt that sporadic asphyxiation. Loss of breath when they kiss you. Like they drained you of all resistance. Inhibitions are gone. Safety belts are off and you’re driving this relationship at 200 mph.

Like I said before, you’ve Tom Bradied all caution into the wind.


I’m Not Even Thinking About It

I remember when I was a teenager I really didn’t have a term for what we were doing. I guess you could say we were “going together” or, “going steady” but I don’t really remember using the term [dating] back then. Sure, we’d go out on dates, but we didn’t use the word dating.  In fact, we would do things together and not even think about it. Caution wasn’t really a common term used. One could say that back then, love was more prevalent and clear. You didn’t even think about what you were doing, you just did it because you really enjoyed the person you were with.

Innocent laughter about random yet imaginative thoughts of days past and fictitious accounts of days to come. It was all there. I miss that. After hours of conversation, with some hesitation, finally conceding to the overwhelming narcolepsy weighing my eyelids south and shading my brown iris like a lunar eclipse. We agree to end this night, but neither of us wants that to be, so we, decide to play a game of, “count to three.”
“No you hang up,”
“No, you hang up,”
“On 3 hang up.”

Throwing Caution to the Wind

One of the things I’ve noticed working with clients, observing followers, and speaking with friends is that there is a commonality of “fear dating” that occurs. Women want men to make the first move and men want women to do more than wait to be approached.

dandelion blowing in the wind - Throwing Caution to the Wind: Making Real Love

Furthermore, for men and women, the process of fear dating can be a slight bit different. However, the result is the same. Engagement is not happening, men are not approaching, and apprehension is abundant. You have people who want love, but do not want to do what it takes to receive it. These people do not want to be inconvenienced in any way or go outside their comfort zone. Additionally, they wear their ability to be safe (put up walls) like a badge of honor. As a result, you see more people standing against the wall they created and dancing by themselves. Even worse are those that believe the person they want is going to drop from the sky while they sit on their couch.

Letting Go

I believe the only way to make true love is to let it happen organically. In other words, two people meet with no expectations and bond through interaction over time. Of course, you can fall in-love in other ways. However, the most beautiful way to create love is by letting go of all inhibitions. Also known as, throwing caution to the wind.

That moment when you let go and allow things to happen without hesitation. The gun sounds and you time it perfectly. When you open the gates and you’re not overthinking or analyzing everything the other person does. That’s making real love.

In the same fashion, if you think about sex (or lovemaking), it’s always best when it happens without apprehension. When you’re “gettin’ it in” and the entire time you’re nervous or thinking about other things, the experience is pretty shoddy.


The Forgotten Phases of Dating

Single-black-woman-7-reasons - Throwing Caution to the Wind: Making Real Love
Read: You’re Single! Here Are 7 Reasons Why – Photo Credit: Alex Holyoake

Forgiveness and healing are two essential aspects of the dating process that a lot of people skip (as I explain here).

In order to make real love, you must release all past hurt. That process includes but isn’t limited to the hurt caused by:

  • friends
  • family
  • exes

Lastly, love can’t be damned, restricted, or placed in a tourniquet with a limited ability to flow — it needs completely open arteries and vessels to flow freely. Carrying pain limits (like a high cholesterol diet) the love you can receive (and give) then causes an attack on your heart. As a result, love is not allowed to freely flow.

This is one of the major reasons why you see many relationships fail or never come to fruition.

To facilitate true love between two people means taking advantage of the time you have when you’re by yourself. Use that time wisely, not only for a future relationship but mainly to understand what true love means for yourself.