More To Worry About Than The Norm

In part I of my feature on, “Dating And The Plight Of The Black Woman Part I” I spoke on the history of stereotypes and the perception or perspective of black women in comparison to women of other races. I also spoke about how black men view their own women compared against races of other women.

Television, Entertainment, and Advertising

You may not have noticed, but black women are under-represented in mainstream media and entertainment. That is, unless, it’s on a reality television show or a music video. You may see a black woman in a commercial, but she’s almost always in the back, behind a group of white women, or, she is hanging out with a group of white women and she’s the only black women represented.

Black women are like the 4th wheel with low tire pressure causing a potential blow-out.


Marketers seem to view black women as less attractive based on their marketing models and budgetary expenditures into marketing that is inclusive of black women.

In a study conducted by,

by 2002, critics charged that multicultural budgets remained underfunded, especially considering the purchasing power of those groups. African-American consumers controlled more than $550 billion in purchasing power and were responsible for $2 of every $3 spent by ethnic consumers, according to Prime Access & Multicultural Marketing Resources.

What does this mean to me? It means, that black people and black women spend the most, but receive less representation in ads. Ads and the actresses in said advertisements are culturally similar to the demographic they marketed too. If there’s no budget for African-Americans, as a result, you will see black women under-represented in advertising.  When you don’t see black women in ads for beauty or hair care, and you typically see are other cultures, this can skew the view of men from a subliminal standpoint.  If you typically see white women in beauty ads or as models, that’s what you will associate with beauty. And when you see black women, you see them on a fried chicken commercial or a 4th wheel in a beer commercial.

Black women face enormous pressure when it comes to skin and hair. We're led to believe that lighter skin is better and straight hair is "good" hair.

—  Dodai Stewart Editor in Chief, Splinter


Dating and the Plight of the Black Woman Part I

Let's go!


In Part I, I spoke about the stereotypes that black women face before they even consider dating. So let’s talk about what happens when they actually start.

Since the beginning of the 20th-century advertisers have used negative and stereotypical images of black women. Making them seem unseemly, unattractive, undesirable, and impuissant. Especially, in comparison to women of other cultures.

Dunkin Doughnuts-charcoal-doughnut-controversy-datingBlack women are stereotyped all over the world.  In a country like Thailand, Dunkin’ Doughnuts caught a ton of flack back in 2013 for placing an Asian woman in what appears to be blackface. She had exaggerated bright pink lips, eating a “charcoal” doughnut.  Black people are often referred to by racists as, “black as charcoal.”

White Washing

In 2010 Gabourey Sidibe graced the cover of Elle magazine in what appears to be a form of, “white-washing.” Dodai Stewart explains…

“Black women face enormous pressure when it comes to skin and hair. We’re led to believe that lighter skin is better and straight hair is “good” hair. And if Sidibe can’t land the cover of a mainstream magazine just the way she is , it only compounds the problem and illustrates the sad fact that in society’s eyes, there’s something “wrong” with her — and, by extension, anyone who doesn’t have light skin and straight hair. Lighter is better, that’s the message. It’s great that Gabourey Sidibe landed the cover of Elle. It’s just unfortunate that she doesn’t look like herself.”

Gabourey Sidibe-Elle-controversy-white-washing-dating-black-woman

When you white-wash or blackface a black woman, it appears as if her original complexion is less-desirable. If you’re a man viewing said woman, you are receiving subliminal messages that tell you, she is, “ugly.”  Dropping her even further down the totem pool of desirability. This has happened since the beginning of the 20th century. That’s over 100 years of brainwashing through television, media, entertainment, and advertising.

Social Media

“Black women meme’s,” appear quite often on social media.

white-women-tinas-black-women-asian-women-another-reason-why-black-women-have-hard-time-datingHonestly, it infuriates me how white women, Latina, and Asian women are shown as gorgeous. Meanwhile, you find the most unappealing black woman to put in the meme. Basically, you’re saying that black women are not beautiful.

If I was an alien visiting Earth for the first time, I’d swear that black women are the worst thing to grace the face of the planet, right behind black men.

I’m starting to believe there is an agenda to discredit the beauty of black women. I’m no conspiracy theorist, but, one can’t help but notice the trend. From the advertisers to the meme culture and the way black women are portrayed on television shows. All the evidence is there. This is another reason black women have such a hard time dating.  The perception.

Something as superficial as appearance is even looked at unattractive (unless you’re mixed or exotic-looking). Whatever exotic means.

The meme culture has done more harm than good for the black woman. Memes can be created by anyone. They are also shared constantly in social media groups, on platforms and pages. All of this sharing and viewing creates a perception about black women that is less than favorable.


If I was an alien visiting Earth for the first time, I'd swear that black women are the worst thing to grace the face of the planet, right behind black men.

Jay Thomas, Founder, Relationships Etcetera

The Black Woman Comparison Meme

On the left, you have a beautiful image of Pam Grier. On the right, an Asian woman.

A few bullet points about black women…

  • Overly aggressive, quick to start a fight.
  • Disgustingly ugly faces.
  • Giant lips.
  • Ape-like faces.
  • A typical evening with a black woman, smoking flavored. blunts, listening to rap music.
  • long fingernails like claws.

And Asian women…

  • Petite and slender as a woman should be.
  • Humble and docile.
  • Bodies like innocent virgins.
  • Angelic, heavenly beautiful faces.
  • A typical evening, eating at a fancy, high-class restaurant, discussing literature and current events.


To the person who created this meme… First of all, the chances of this person being black are minimal. So it’s very likely they are not. However, as black people, we do carry a ton of self-hate. So it could be a black man who created this.

“Overly sexual bodies?”

What exactly does that mean? Black women come in all shapes and sizes. Some are, curvy, others are a double-D cup and slender. Some are size 13 with a small waist.  The crazy thing about this comment is, ALL women (not just black) come in different shapes and sizes. I thought we had gotten past the fact that all women aren’t a size 2 and slender.  Moreover, when did slenderly and petite become, “the way a woman is supposed to look?”

“Asian women are docile?”

You watch too many movies. Get any woman upset and you will see that so-called docile temperament disappears.  Then watch her go from 0-60 real quick.

“Her idea of sexy talk is this…”Yo boo wassup? I missed U baby. I got some KFC and some blunts. Imma give U some bomb ass head and show U how we do it in the Durrty South. U like that phat ass dontcha? Don’t even play, you know u want dis AZZ.”

I’d have to start a new post based on this comment alone. First, notice how much slang is being used.  How many words are misspelled on purpose? As if black women do not speak proper English. Of course, they all love fried chicken and smoke blunts… and their idea of a great date is having sex.

Basically, black women have no standards. Why date them? They are not marriage material. Right?


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My Final Thoughts

Clearly, this “person,” (and I say that word with the most disrespect) loves Asian women. That part is obvious…. and that’s OK, we all have preferences. However, you can show your love and attraction for a culture, or race of women without degrading another race or culture of women.  Consequently, while insulting black women, you insulted the very Asian women you’re attracted too.  I’m sure if an Asian woman read that meme she would disagree on every “point” made.

At the beginning and end of the day, black women have an uphill battle against, “the machine,” which is American media.

Stay tuned for Part III, where I will highlight self-destruction and self-hate within the culture.

Do you believe black women have it tougher when it comes to dating? Or, do you think their dating plight is the same as everyone else's?

Please comment below