When it comes to dating and relationships, dysfunctionality can be defined as not operating properly or normal. Additionally, conditioning can be defined as shaping the behavior of an individual.

I believe conditioning and socialization are partners like Batman and Robin. Working together to prevent independent thought.

Provided that, Hans Eysenck, a German psychologist who is best known for his work on intelligence and personality believed in behaviorism. Behaviorism is defined as, psychology focusing on behavior. Denying any independent significance for the mind and assuming that behavior is determined by the environment.

In other words, if you condition the mind by denying (or through an absence of) functionality, dysfunctionality will become a believed norm.

Dysfunctionality in Relationships & Dating

Randy Gunther Ph.D. of Psychology Today states that there are 10 common characteristics or behaviors of a dysfunctional relationship.

  1. Assignment of Blame
  2. Threats of exile or abandonment
  3. Dominance/Submission
  4. Grudges
  5. Ownership
  6. Disloyalty
  7. Winner or Loser Arguments
  8. Snapshots versus moving pictures
  9. Boundary Violations
  10. Fear of Loss

All things considered, I believe we all have experienced one of the above at some point.  I’ve personally been through 10, 2, 5, 4, and 6. As a result, the arguments and disagreements ensued.  The prevailing theme was despair and frustration.

Read – Forgiveness or Nah, The Choice is Yours

Finding Dysfunctionality in a Functional Human Being

Let’s go back to conditioning.

If you consistently ran into or chose the same partner each time you dated or entered a relationship, it would feel like a form of conditioning.  Especially, if your environment didn’t produce viable options. Consequently, you will continue this behavior because it is what your mind believes is the norm.

This idea has so many applications.

Furthermore, when it comes to dating and relationships, I’ve seen numerous daters and people in relationships repeat the same process. Choosing the same type of individual each time. Under those circumstances, a fully functional human being will appear to be dysfunctional.  They don’t know what a functional or truly transparent, emotionally available, relationship-ready individual looks like.  Acting on counterproductive impulses based on historical references of past relationships or experiences.

When you are stuck in this mindset, every person you date or enter a relationship with will have to deal with your lack of internal work and healing.


Personal Accounts

In a recent Facebook post, I asked my followers a question:

How many times have you dated someone and tried to find something wrong with them? Or you said…”too good to be true.” What about holding onto baggage from your past and using it gauge the next persons actions?

Have you ever been with a functional person you thought was dysfunctional or too good to be true?
Comment below.