If you’ve ever been to a wedding, then you’ve likely heard this phrase in the wedding vows… “…forsaking all others…”

This portion of the vows stresses the priority one should place on his/her spouse. Scripture tells us, “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  In this instance, they are no longer two, but one flesh (Mark 10:7-8).” One flesh, you are to be with whomever God has chosen for you. I place emphasis on the  “Whomever God has chosen for you” part.  Many of us “yolk up” with folks never meant to be ours, but that’s another story.

In becoming one flesh, a man and woman become vital organs to one another. It should be looked at as though our very lives depend on one another. This is what God intended for marriage to be. It’s in his word. Also, in becoming one, there can be no parts of us or our lives that are hidden from our spouses. That’s if the love is 100.

Forsaking the Past

We’ve allowed marriage to be so defiled and diluted in our current society that there is no true respect for it. Wedding rings make some folks the targets of malignant tumors of people who would come against the body of marriage. They come to sicken it, weaken it, and eventually, kill it (but only if allowed).

After marriage, or at the point of committing yourself to another, certain chapters should be closed. There will always be potential past perils and people who can could your marriage harm (intentionally or unintentionally). Life-lines should never be thrown to them — no matter how cool they used to be, and no matter the memories shared. Furthermore, no matter the relationship that once existed, if a person’s presence or intent in your life causes ill to your relationship or marriage, treat him/her like that loaf of bread on the turn and trash it.


Do yourself a favor and add paddling around your yacht of marriage

It is my belief that forsaking all others has more to do with trusting God, than we may initially think. The first thought for many of us is that forsaking all others means to put our spouses above all others. Consequently, choosing him/her over mom and dad, or kicking all our friends to the curb. In other words, it’s more about God admonishing us to be totally committed to one another. Additionally, making one another a priority and moving forward in life as an unbreakable unified front. With this is in mind, he also asks us to [trust him] to take care of all others who might have been a priority before — and all of those we love and care about.

african american married couple forsaking all others
My wife is the first woman to ever bring absolute goodness to my life.

Trusting God is key to all. He will never steer you wrong. When a man leaves his mother and father to join with his wife, he is simply trusting God to take care of those who can no longer sit as number one on his priority list. Family and friends are not removed unless those relationships maliciously oppose the marriage.

A Second Opinion

In his article about forsaking all others, bestselling author Gary Thomas says…

One of the big challenges with driverless cars is determining what the car will decide if, for instance, it has the option of driving into a wall, perhaps killing the passenger, or driving into a group of people. That’s a value decision that’s horrendous to contemplate, much less program. When it comes to an intimate and cherishing marriage the “auto default” always has to be in favor of our spouse over everyone else. On the day we got married, we already decided and declared to everyone, including our God, that our spouse comes first.

That Being Said

Love is Easy, We Make it Hard

Based on my own life, relationships, and marriage, I am confident in saying, when we allow God to lead us to his choice for us, marriage is not a struggle. It is not hard work. It is a natural thing that adds positivity to your life and the lives of those you love.  My wife is the first woman to ever bring absolute goodness to my life. There is nothing about her that I do not love.

He also asks us to [trust him] to take care of all others who might have been priority before, and all of those we love, and for whom we care.


Change Can Be Hard

Many of us find ourselves struggling to change the dynamic of our past relationships. For fear that those relationships could potentially suffer from our obedience. This is normal. Paul even talks a bit about it in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7:

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.”

This is not meant to speak ill of being married. It’s simply a human reality. When you have a spouse and kids, you typically have more on your plate than a person who has no wife or husband. Time and attention are divided into multiple servings. Under those circumstances, we have to make certain that God still gets the biggest piece of chicken.