When you view someone else’s relationship from the outside, it’s typically from a figuratively distant, blurred, and uneducated perspective.  Oftentimes, if you see happiness, you believe that the couple is living-the-life, in a state of bliss. If you see beautiful photos of them together, you say…”I want a relationship like that.” However, without context, you will never know what it took for that couple to get to that level. Or, in some cases, the illusion of happiness isn’t true to its appearance.

In other words…

Looks can be deceiving


Inside Looking Outside

the murky details aren’t always visible from the outside

When you see a relationship that looks so alluring, you want that luster for your own relationship. Especially when you’re going through tough times). In some cases, you will set unattainable, or unrealistic expectations for your current, or next relationship based on your outside perspective of that (other) relationship.  You’ll see how great your girlfriend’s man treats her, and place that expectation on the next man you meet (or your current boyfriend). Not knowing that behind closed doors, they argue every night.

Take the relationship Beyoncé and Jay Z have, everyone wanted that type of relationship. Everyone admired their love. Respectfully so, I still do, but I never put them on a pedestal. I always said, that they have issues as well, but they keep it under wraps. That is until things got out.

January 2013

Rumors begin circulating that Jay-Z is having an affair with Rita Ora.

February 2013

Beyoncé says she suffered a miscarriage before getting pregnant with Blue.

August 2013

Rapper and model Liv claims that Jay-Z hit on her back in 2008, but she declined his advances out of respect for Beyoncé.

NEW YORK, NY – NOVEMBER 13: Fashion Designer Rachel Roy attends the 2017 Museum of Modern Art Film Benefit Tribute to Julianne Moore at the Museum of Modern Art on November 13, 2017, in New York City. (Photo by Mark Sagliocco/FilmMagic)

November 2013

Belgian beauty queen Claudia Scheelen claims that Jay-Z sent her drinks in a European nightclub, and says he did not mention Beyoncé or Blue during their conversation.

May 2014

Beyoncé and Jay-Z attend the Met Gala together. One week after the Met Gala, TMZ releases footage of Bey’s sister Solange attacking Jay in an elevator at an after-party. Rumors immediately circulate that Solange was upset at Jay for his philandering, specifically with Rachel Roy.


Outside Looking In

Even the powerful, have relationship issues. Money doesn’t solve everything. From the outside looking in, it can appear as though things are peachy and perfect. However, when the truth comes out, you may find a chink in their armor. This doesn’t mean that a productive relationship can’t rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.

Since then, the couple has reconciled, and Bey has dedicated numerous songs to Jay and even purchased him $40 million dollars private jet for Father’s Day. However, from the outside looking in, you would never think Jay would cheat on Beyoncé.  They look so drunk in love.


The Illusion of Perfection

We often see something and it appears as though it’s bad when it’s really good. In some cases, it appears good, when it’s really bad for us. The wrapping on the package is brilliant in its display. However, when you open it up, the inside is rotten and bereft of character.  This is where you truly need to know the person you are with.

Never let someone else’s relationship dictate the way you manage yours. Also never let your pride and ego dictate whether or not you stay with someone that you truly love and care about because they made a mistake. As we all know, a good person is hard to find. A chink in the armor doesn’t necessarily mean the structure is weak.

The strong and independent Beyoncé stayed with a man, that at his core, is a good man, but had a moment where he strayed. The outside illusion of perfection was shattered. Yet they still stayed together and worked their tails off to rebuild what had once been broken (trust). I see too many people running from hurt. Looking for a mistake-proof relationship based on the duplicitous nature of the image some couples show you. That perfection just doesn’t exist. Communicate and work through your issues. Own your shit! As Jay said:

You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something ’cause most people can’t see themselves,” he said. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself.