Some of those misconceptions have come from assumptions, social media, parenting, and observation. However, despite all of the things you think you know… I’m going to give a quick and dirty version of what men truly need from women when it comes to dating and relationships.

What Misconception?

I’ve talked to a few women that believe that when a woman comes with her, “stuff together,” this is a selling point for a man. Confession… this is so far from the truth. Men are reared and socialized to be providers. We are typically raised and taught to provide for the woman, to protect and care for her. And the images of men we see throughout our childhood have subliminally influenced our gender role in the family unit. Essentially, we have been taught or shown to have our own before we engage in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage. Do we always follow this message? No. That being said, the very thing the woman is stating she has, (degrees, house, car, money) a prepared man already has or is working hard to achieve.  He doesn’t look for those things in a mate primarily.

A man is also not just interested in what’s between your legs. Sex is not enough. Not a man looking for a wife that is. A man wants more than a woman who can cook him meals or has a certain look or beauty about her.  A man who is seeking a bride, a wife, a life-mate, wants more than that.

What Are Men Looking for?


Memes like the one on the right, are why the misconceptions continue to exist. If I was an alien, and this was my first time visiting Earth, I’d think, men are beasts that only need food, sex, loyalty, and encouragement. Sounds like a dog more than a man.

A man is looking for substance. Not superficiality or how educated you are. Definitely not how much money you have or how great you are with your finances. Not your nice home, luxury car, a great career, or the independent nature in which you navigate your life.  He is wanting a woman that can sustain him over the long-term. A woman with depth.


They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Another misconception.  It takes more than food to garner the true love of a man. Are we so naive to believe that a man is like a pet that we only have to feed to gain his loyalty? No way. The conversation is an often ignored concept that women believe men don’t even want to engage-in. In the beginning, we aren’t going to simply, open-up as easily. Patience is key here.

That being said, let me help you a little more with this one. The misconception is, that we don’t want to talk. However, men want to open up. We want to talk to you. But we have to trust you with it all. Not a piece… but all of it. So as a woman, you have to make that man feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable around you. As you know, men aren’t raised to-be vulnerable. In fact, it’s the opposite. So, it takes another woman to show him that he can open up. Get to know him. Learn him. And most of all, be genuine. Not just someone who is digging for answers like a private investigator trying to come up with clues.

Men are truly not allowed to-be emotional in American culture. So when we grow into men, those teachings have manifested into what you see today. Men that don’t open up, talk, or show too much emotion. But believe me, when I say, the very man you’re with is probably carrying some level of baggage emotionally that has been with him since his younger years.

Loyalty And Commitment

Next, is more obvious. When I say loyalty, I don’t just mean, from outside influences, or interlopers. I mean, from life. Life has a way of distracting and disillusioning us. It truly can turn a truly loyal and committed person into a disloyal, fleeting, and obscure person if she isn’t mentally strong.  However, a woman who is, “battle-tested,” is the kind of woman who most men are dying to be with. The kind of woman who has been through some things. Had some adversity. Someone who has hit her foot on the bed a few times while walking through the bedroom of life.  A woman who can deal with the ups and downs when they come and how they come while riding out the strong current and the harsh waves with her man. Someone who committed like a military-trained and conditioned soldier.

Support and Encouragement

All things considered, support and encouragement are HUGE. This comes in many forms. You as the woman have to decide what type of support and encouragement your man needs. Best way to decide this? Go back to earlier in this blog. Talk to him! Ask him what he needs. All men are different, even though people try to stereotype and put us all in the same box together.  We share experiences and some base qualities, but we are all different. So, what we need as far as support will also have its differences.

Jennifer Smith highlights ways to support and encourage your husband. But these same tools should be used with any man.

Your husband needs you to show your support in all areas of his life. He needs to know that you are behind him 110%. At times this is easier said, than done.  As wives, we need to-be our husband’s biggest fan and greatest cheerleader. But by God’s grace we can submissively respect our husbands decisions and honor him by showing our complete support. It’s amazing how simple saying, “I believe in you” can affirm your husband in ways we may never understand. Jennifer states.


Some men need little to no support. Some men need tons of encouragement. You have to find the middle ground for the man you have. Do not assume what he needs. Do not listen to anyone who tries to tell you what your man needs. Ask, that man. Only he knows what he needs.

You can support your man by simply being his cheerleader. Showing genuine interest in the plans or dreams he has. Find ways to help him accomplish those dreams. Take my word for it, we get down. Even the most seemingly confident man has doubts. That’s one of the many reasons a woman is there. To tell us we can handle the bumps and setbacks that life throws our way.

Yes, We Need Sex And Food

Lastly, you already know men want sex and food. That is not a misconception. However, we exclusively, or primarily want these things. Let’s face it, we have to eat. We need to live. It’s safe to say, both men and women need food. Now, some men are happily in love with women who don’t even cook. And other men are in love with women who aren’t the greatest in the bedroom. I wouldn’t encourage the latter, I’m saying… it’s not the only thing we need from a woman.