But our personal happiness is directly linked to the work we put in before we actually start dating. One of the biggest mistakes we make when entering into a relationship is:

  1. We are not happy with ourselves before we bring someone else into our lives.
  2. We get into the relationship to receive vs. give.

I will expound on #2 in a separate post. But for now, let’s talk about Happiness.

There are a lot of us walking around carrying pain. Pain from our childhood, past relationships, past failures, insecurities, etc. Pains we haven’t yet dealt with. And in some cases, we haven’t even realized that we are carrying this pain until someone brings it to our attention. So, what do you do? Shut down? Go into a state of denial acting as if your happiness exists when it really doesn’t?

No, what happens is we bring someone else into our lives without dealing with our own personal demons first. Once those demons have been dealt with, a certain state of happiness occurs that we’ve never felt before. A feeling of growth. And it feels so good, we want to share that happiness with everyone! Especially someone we potentially see as our future mate.

When we don’t deal with these issues, demons, or problems, they hold us back from truly giving to someone else (because we have nothing to give but the anger, resentment, and frustration you’ve held in all this time). So what do you do? You go into the relationship wanting to receive love, gestures, etc. You won’t have a successful relationship that way. It will fail. Especially if the other person is a giver.

Givers tend to attract, receivers.

Two people in a valley, showing their happiness by holding a single white flower. Their arms are the only thing visible.
Photo Credit: Evan Kirby

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Givers are the ones that have your back through it all. They give of themselves unconditionally, emotionally, mentally, and physically until they can’t give anymore.

Receiver’s take from givers. It’s not always intentional. Sometimes receivers don’t realize they are receivers. But receivers drain the happiness that givers already had before they entered the relationship. A lot of receivers do not have their own established sense of happiness so they slowly siphon off the happy energies the giver has like a leech. As a result, the giver feels neglected and taken advantage of. To the point where the giver doesn’t even feel like themselves anymore.

We should not go into a relationship wanting someone to give to us (only receivers do that, and it’s very selfish). We should enter into a relationship to share our already established happiness with the other person.

When you’re ready, go for it! And make sure the person you choose is also a giver. That way, you will both be pouring happiness into each other.

Throughout your dating and relationship history, do you typically end up with takers? What do you think it is about you that attracts them?

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