When it comes to dating and relationships, we often proceed with caution, and we also proceed with an expectation of our partner. Some of which are unconscious. Others, we’re very aware of. Both can be very detrimental to the success of your relationship.
What Do You Mean, Fixing a Plate?
For those of us who aren’t privy to such tradition… in the African American community, fixing a man’s plate has become a part of the culture. It’s customary, and almost considered an expectation by many. Go to any barbecue on a warm summer afternoon, and you’ll see women serving men hamburgers, baked beans, and chips with their favorite drink. 
Fixing his plate is when, a woman prepares her man’s (or significant other) plate, and brings said plate, to-him. Versus, him getting up to fix his own plate.
Some women might view this as being subservient, acquiescent, submissive, or a slave to patriarchal traditions. Other’s may view it as an act of service, or catering to his love language (I’ll get into that in a moment). First, check out the video below.
What Makes You Feel Loved? (30 sec) from Dr. Gary Chapman on Vimeo.
Should You Fix a Fully Capable Man’s Plate?
Charli Penn author for Essence says,
Whether you consider it to be a little old school, good manners or just plain silly, the truth is, when my husband looks up and sees me handing him a plate full of food, he smiles real big. He feels catered to and loved when i do this simple gesture, which is how he makes me feel all of the time, so I’m always happy when I can return the favor in a small yet meaningful way. At home he cooks for me, makes my plates and caters to me in so many different ways. We cater to each other back and forth as best we can. That’s what love is. My favorite is when he hangs up and organizes my laundry with such tender love and care. In those moments, I smile too.
Acts of Service
I fervently agree with Charli. With one addition. However, before I go into that, let’s look at one of the love languages: Acts of Service.
An “acts of service” – doing something for your spouse that you know they would like for you to do. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the baby’s diaper, and painting the bedroom, etc.
The 5 Love Languages – Dr. Gary Chapman
Fixing a plate shouldn’t be an expectation
The Exception is Expectation
The expectation is defined as, “a belief that someone will, or should achieve something.” Or, in this case, do something.
Having an expectation has been the undoing of many relationships and dating experiences. When you expect service from your significant other like you’re at a restaurant ordering food, this can be offensive to many. Your wife, girlfriend, or significant other isn’t your server. If you’re appreciative and reciprocal of the choice she has made to serve you, this is entirely different—and receives a distinctly different response.
However, there are those who do not believe in serving a man at-all. They believe serving a man is menial and degrading. In other words, if he can walk, he can get his own plate.
The above video shows you how fixing a plate can make some women feel subservient to their man. However, when the context is given to support the idea that, fixing a plate isn’t such a bad thing, and that’s it more an act of service, the ladies began to understand.
My Own Context
I Like a woman who is humble enough to serve her man. That’s beyond sexy to me. Also a man that’s humble enough realize his woman is worth serving as well.
