Every good man that comes into your life isn’t the right man for you.

When I speak to women I often ask them… what are you looking for in a man? What qualities determine this-one, is the “right one?”

At the same time, I observe women, listen to conversations with the same sex, and watch interactions with the opposite sex—even poll different groups of women. When it comes to why some women are single, I see inconsistencies in their judgment and redundancy in the root of their choices.

Where it all starts

Some women struggle with identifying the right man. Instead, they identify with a man that gives them an initial feeling of euphoria or the illusion of compatibility. Logic is then replaced by emotion, and superficial qualities are placed at the forefront:

  • Status
  • Financial standing
  • Sexual prowess
  • Physical characteristics
  • Potential

These should all be supplemental to the core traits that the right man should exhibit.

The Right One

Who is the right man for you? How do you determine who that person is? There are many ways, but I’m going to give you a few core qualities that you need to focus on. Basic character traits that every man should have—if he’s not only a good man but also the right man for you.

1. Consistency

A good man is consistent about most things that he values. That means any children he has, his money, his business, and of course his interactions with the lady in his life.

Photo Credit: Andi Rieger

Don’t let him show you otherwise. If he isn’t consistently communicating, spending quality time, or making regular efforts to bridge your relationship, he isn’t serious about you. A man that truly wants a woman, will move mountains to be with her.

As I stated in my blog about lazy daters, some men just don’t want to put in the effort required to seal-the-deal. Those are the type of men you want to separate yourself from. If you have to tell him to communicate, please believe this will be an issue down the line if he doesn’t fix it immediately.

2. Humility

We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others, but we all make them. The key is how the mistake is handled afterward. What type of reaction did he have? Was he defensive, or was he remorseful? Did he deflect, or did he own-it? Afterward, what actions did he take to heal the issue?

I’m a firm believer that in order to persevere in a relationship, you have to understand that you will eventually be hurt by the other person (no I’m not telling you to accept it). You have to understand your emotional content, connect with it—and understand it. As a result, you will be able to regulate your fervor and make a proper decision.

In addition, humility is applicable in various situations. How does he handle compliments, and/or success? What about his physical characteristics, is he humble about them, or arrogantly vain? Does he help others?

3. Character

High character in the right man doesn’t mean he will make [not] make mistakes. It also doesn’t mean he will make all the right decisions. Even high character people have chinks in their armor.

So, what does this mean? It means the right man will take a situation, and find the best outcome. As I said before, he will be humble, consistent, and dependable. Most of all, he will be able to “bounce-back.” This man is perseverance personified. You want the right man to be able to handle getting knocked off his horse in a humble manner. The right man won’t lay down, but he may have a moment where he feels defeated—from time-to-time. Don’t take that as a sign of low-character or weakness. It is a sign of strength and vulnerability.

Who better to have in your life? A man that will fight, and do what it takes to make things right (or to get his life back on track).

4. Accountability

Jim Rohn of success.com says…

People of good character don’t mind accountability. In fact, they welcome it. This is the act of allowing others to have a say in your life, to speak to you

straight about your life and conduct. The need for accountability doesn’t prove lack of character. Rather, it proves the presence of character.

How many men have you met that love to deflect and project? They take zero accountability about the issues in their life. When it comes to their current relationship status or their current life in-general… they either constantly blame the opposite sex and/or find fault in others. This is [not] the right man for you. Can you imagine having a discussion with this person? It will not end well. In most cases, your frustration meter will go into the red.

5. Communication

How you communicate with your significant other should be established from the beginning. The type of communication, (or amount) should never be assumed. If he doesn’t communicate as you do, and you haven’t previously discussed how you will communicate with each other, that is both of your faults. This doesn’t mean he isn’t the right man for you.

That being said, don’t be controlling by telling him to communicate the way you want (call me every morning and night). Come to a happy compromise that works for both of you. See how he handles change. Is he stubborn? Does he want things to go his way while you’re compromising? If so, this is not the right man for you.

Solid communication is the root of your relationship. Without it, everything else will die… sex life, chemistry… everything! The right man will be a good communicator. Not necessarily the way [you want] to communicate, but the way that works for your relationship.

A man that truly wants a woman, will move mountains to be with her.

6. Synergy

With so much emphasis on chemistry, we often forget about synergy.

The right man will not only uplift you, he will help you grow into a better version of yourself (it may be painful). Wouldn’t you want someone who you can truly build with? Or someone who only makes you feel warm and gushy? Life is all about evolution. We were created to change, not stay the same. Your significant other (as well as you) should bring qualities to the table that elevate the relationship/partnership into the stratosphere.

Ever been with someone who you love, but they do not elevate you? They love you, treat you right, care for you, but they can’t help you get to the next level. I’m not just talking about career, or financial, I’m speaking about mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.

They bring out the best in me.

If you look at your s/o, and you aren’t saying (or thinking) this… they aren’t the right man for you.