When you look at your relationship, ask yourself, is it intentional? Is the person you’re dating intentional? Does your relationship have a purpose? Or, are you just passing time until the better match comes along?
These are all questions you should be asking yourself and your mate. Otherwise, why are you involved?
When we were younger, we would play around, waste time, hang out, and do things that truly had no purpose at all. We really didn’t know where we were going (because we were young and felt we had time). Once you get older, you begin to feel father time pulling at you. We begin to take our relationships more seriously and seek willful, and intentional purposes. Or, we simply get tired, and weary of the same old routine. Nevertheless, the result is the same. Things change, something clicks, and you seek more intent, and purpose from the person you choose to spend countless hours of your time with.
Intentional
If you look at the synonyms above, and you don’t see your relationship, you have a problem. That is unless you like wasting your time (and I’m guessing you don’t). Perhaps the person you are with isn’t being intentional, and you are, “waiting on them.” Do you find yourself sitting there with a glass of wine every other night alone, unsure of what your relationship is even about? If so, your relationship is not intentional. There is no plan. You’re just winding the clock aimlessly with no true agenda.
We Know What We Want
I wrote two blogs, “Every Man Has a Label By Day 31,” and, “Every Women Has A Label By Day 31.”
In each blog, I highlighted how both men and women have a label for the person they’re dating by the 31st day. Meaning, we are aware of the status we’ve assigned you. With each label, comes intent. It could be sex, companionship, or a life-long partner in marriage. We may be 100% sure, but we do have a general idea of what we want from you. If a man tells you he doesn’t know what he wants, and you’ve spent plenty of quality time… his indecisiveness may end up hurting you in the end.
At this point, a decision needs to be made. This is your mental, and emotional health we’re dealing with here. You have to know when to let go. I went into more detail on my weekly podcast.
What Intentional Looks Like
- Consistent communication
- Attentive
- They listen to learn, and understand)
- They are willing to make sacrifices
- Doesn’t let days go by without contact
- Follow your Love Language
- Quality time spent
- Doing what they say they are going to do
- They are proactive
- They plan and execute
- Excuses are minimal to non-existent
- You will always know where you stand with them
- Their actions match their words
- They cherish and honor you
These are just the basic qualities that a person exhibits when they are intentional. There are many more. I can honestly say that in most successful relationships, all the above are exhibited consistently. Typically when you remove one of these bullet points, the relationship will begin to suffer. While it may seem like a lot of work, it’s really not much to a person who is intentional. They do these things organically. Even if they don’t, they are willing to adjust and execute based on the needs of their partner.
Take Action
The key is to find the type of partner that resonates with what you’re looking for. You should never try to make someone show you their purpose in your life. That is something they should do themselves. You should always know where the relationship is going. If you’re looking for marriage as a result, this person should be taking actions that are synonymous with a path to marriage. If you don’t want marriage, but you still want kids, why would you be with someone who is fickle about having kids? Take some time, write a list of what you view as, “intentional actions.” Then, write what your mate does. If they match up, you’re good.
That being said, when your mate is consistent:
- Unsure
- Skittish
- Uncertain
- Indecisive
- Passive/Aggressive
- Wishy-Washy
- Easily distracted
- No following through
- Out-of-alignment
It’s best to have a sit-down conversation with them about their goals. See if they match up with yours. It’s also good to do a “check-in” with your mate from time to time. See if you two are still on the same page. If you are not, it’s time to move on. No point in wasting valuable time, because tomorrow is not promised.
