What is a Lazy Dater?

Nothing is worse than a lazy dater. You know the one that doesn’t want to do anything outside the house. The one that realizes they aren’t really motivated to date, but they still want a companion. This the same person who never calls you never initiates anything and expects you to do everything to court them.  Or even the lazy dater that doesn’t want to put themselves out there to be seen by a potential mate.  So, they never go out to social places or gatherings. These same people won’t sign up for online dating, won’t hire a match-maker, and the common phrase I hear from lazy daters is, “I’m waiting on God,” or, “I’m single by choice.”

Single By Choice

What does that really mean? I have a few theories…

The honorable definition is when a person is taking time to grow themselves, vs. being in a relationship. They are doing the work before they get involved with someone else. They are preparing themselves for a potential mate. Learning to love themselves first.

Another definition would be, someone who refuses to acknowledge the reason they are single. They are lazy and don’t want to put forth the effort needed to get to know someone. They are mentally drained from past relationships and can’t fathom the work that it takes to support a new person in their lives. However, meanwhile, their heart is telling them, yes, their mind and heart are not on one accord. Basically, they aren’t ready, but they believe they are. They believe a person must, “come to them.” Pursue them.  Men and women alike, adopt this mentality, which is harmful to the, “get-to-know-you,” or dating process.

Photo Credit: Benjamin Combs


So What’s a Lazy Dater To Do?

Like Outkast said,

You better get-up, get-out, and do something.

Stop being lazy. It’s that easy… well actually no it’s not.  I can’t lie, I was a lazy dater. So I’m speaking from a place of experience here. My lazy dating was different. I just didn’t like the idea of learning a new person over again. Even after a long hiatus between relationships, I just didn’t feel like doing it all over again. Is this you? Well, to achieve the desired results, you have to make a move. You can’t lay around and hope. Hopes and dreams without actions are wishes. And I’m not a “wisher.” I’m a doer. And if you’re with me, get off the couch, put yourself out there.

Start slow, go on a dating site. Match.com, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, even Tinder. OK, not Tinder (I’ll explain in another blog). Dating sites are a good start for a lazy dater. You never even have to get off your couch. You can scan through potentials until your eyes turn red. Entertain conversation and get used to, “conversation,” and interaction with a potential mate again. Just remember, you will have to meet them one day. But this is a good start.

Hopes and dreams without actions are wishes. And I’m not a, “wisher.” I’m a doer. And if you’re with me, get off the couch, put yourself out there.

What Should I Do When I’m Involved With A Lazy Dater?

Uhh… well… in the words of Outkast,

You better, get-up, get-out, and get something.

Yes, if your significant other, (S/O) doesn’t want to take you out, go with you anywhere, stays at home all the time, only sends text messages and never calls, or expects you to chase-after and/or pursue them? You may have to make them an [insignificant other]. Like I always say, talk to them first. Never walk away and, “ghost,” someone.  This is a terrible way to break-up with someone, as explained by Maya Borgueta.


In the end, you may have to chuck up the deuces, but that’s better than being unhappy with someone who isn’t aligned with you.


The Absence Of Evidence

Sometimes people don’t know what they don’t know. It takes a person to enter our lives to show us a new way. Losing someone can also show us that we need to change our process.


A lazy dater doesn’t always realize that they are lazy as hell. They may actually be a very vivacious person in every other aspect of their lives ((shrugs)). Who knows where the disconnect is. But the disconnect is there. The same thing occurs when people work so hard to reach superficial goals but shy away from the goals that actually hold substance.  Like, I don’t know…..Love? Relationships? Courtship? You’d think that we’d go harder for things that we actually love. I know plenty of people who work their tails off, and can’t harbor a relationship to save their lives. These people can also be considered, lazy daters. They prefer the quick experience over the long-term commitment. In other words, career over a relationship.

Own It

If you’re a lazy dater, that’s OK. You can change that.  However, you can’t become complacent or you will be consistently single. Start small, and work your way into the process of getting to know a new person. Try a dating site. Don’t get stuck online, evolve into going out on dates (if that’s your thing). Or, select one person and get to know them before you start dating them. Talk first, and talk often.

Own it! The first step to overcoming lazy dater status is admitting you’re lazy about the dating process.