I’ve had many conversations about love. One of the regular topics that come to mind is being, “in-love,” vs. “just love.” I don’t mean just-love like it’s some inferior feeling a person has in their relationship. That’s the way I’ve heard it described or conveyed to me at different times.

In-Love

This is the feeling you have when the euphoria has taken hold. It comes in waves and moments. At different times during your relationship, you feel extremely close to your partner. That, “conquer the world,” “I don’t want to be a part from you,” feeling exists. Some people believe they need to be in love to be happy with their partner. Others believe that being in-love holds more weight, than just love. I’m not sure I agree with that. In fact, I know I don’t.

When you’re in love, the temperature setting is literally on-high. All the time. An emotional orgasm of emotion (if you will). However, like an orgasm, the feeling will slowly fade, and you come back to reality.

Being in love can also be a trickster in disguise. What do I mean by that? Well, since being in-love is a moment, you can meet someone who gives you that high in the places you need them (for that moment). It’s such a high, you begin to feel you need it constantly. Like… well, crack, heroin or cocaine. An addict craves those moments. In-love is that crack you crave. That moment you seek-out, while completely bypassing logic

Love

To be fair, love is completely irrational and illogical as well. However, love is sustainable. It’s lasting. It’s  perseverance personified. Love is patient, love is kind (isn’t that how it goes?). Seriously, love is a marathon, while in-love is a 100-meter sprint. Love is taking care of your spouse when they have fallen gravely ill.

In-love is rushing to the finish line. Love is enjoying the journey. In-love is focusing on the goal (marriage) and not the experiences that you share on the way there.

Weaknesses

Love has its weaknesses. One of those weaknesses is a grand illusion. Loving someone more than they deserve. Giving 100% to someone who doesn’t deserve it. In that way, love can disillusion you. Love is highly addictive and hallucinogenic. You will believe you love them more than you actually do. Does that make sense? Have you ever loved someone, and then shortly after you’ve broken up with them, you’re already thinking about a better situation?

True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together.” – Ricardo Montalban

The Main Difference

Chris Armstrong of the Good Men Project says…

Love is not a feeling but instead a consistent display of actions, followed by words and experiences that two people share with each other.

I’ll add to that and say that sustaining love can be challenging. Sustaining that in-love feeling doesn’t need stamina, because it’s destined to fade away eventually. Love is destined to be. Love is understanding differences, and still feeling to same way after a tough conversation. In-love runs from a tough conversation, because the tough conversation may interfere with the flow.  Love deals with issues and still maintains.

Ever seen a celebrity says…”we’re so in love.” Then, a few months later, “we’re so divorced.” Nothing funny about that. However, they were in love. The moment differences were found out, or adversity occurred, the in-love state-of-being, subsided, and reality hit.

You Can Have Both

I do believe you can have both in a relationship. Love is your base. That makes way for those in-love moments you will have along the way. When they fade, you will still have the love you started with.  The love you built your relationship on.