Let me put this disclaimer out there – I don’t know what men want. I don’t even think men know what they (really) want.

That being said, I’m going to speak about what I think men could possibly, maybe… sorta kinda want.


A Little Foreshadowing

While eating dinner with my bestie, we started a discussion on the kind of women single men (or married men posing as single men) look for. We’re both single, (never married), intelligent, attractive, educated, pretty well [put-together] women. When I say, “put-together” I mean, for the most part, we are established and know what we want out of life. We’re not perfect—however, we believe we’re great catches.  Nonetheless, we’re single. But how??thinking emoji

Here’s what we believe:

  • Men want a Fixer Upper. – A Fixer Upper is a woman that a man can repair or upgrade. Either in her appearance (looks, figure, style) or her finances. Have you ever seen a woman who is, (for lack of a better term), “homely?” She’s pretty, but average in her appearance. Meanwhile, you’re thinking…

“She’d look so much better if she fixed herself up.”

What about the woman that isn’t as attractive, or isn’t attractive at all, and her appearance is rather homely? You look up, and these women are walking hand-in-hand with the FINEST men in the world who appear (<—- the keyword here) to have it all. What are you thinking then? (Be honest!)

“How in the world did she get him?”

She’s the Fixer Upper. No shade against women who may not be aesthetically appealing by society’s standards—but we all know there are levels to this.

Courtship vs. Dating: Do You Know The Difference?

So What Do Men Want?

Here’s the thing: I believe men want to feel needed. Regardless, why can’t you be well-put-together and still draw the same attention as a fixer-upper?

Men want a Fun Girl

The “Fun Girl” is the woman who is there for just that purpose — for fun. You know, someone a man can:

  • Kick it with (or have sex)
  • Watch the game
  • Shoot pool
  • Have dinner

She might be the side chick. (if he’s married), or the FWB (Friend with Benefits). Consequently, there are no expectations, no strings, and no commitment.


What’s Really Going On?

Here’s the thing: I believe in having fun.  I’m a fun woman—and most men don’t want a boring partner. Nonetheless, while he’s having fun with you, he could be looking for wifey. Meanwhile, you’re hoping (through all your efforts) he sees that you’re the one. You’re giving him everything he wants. Consequently, you’ve settled for something fun with no substantial purpose, while compromising your primary goal — a lifelong relationship.

Men Want Someone Like Their Mother

We all know what a mommas-boy is. If your guy just so happens to exhibit traits of a mama’s boy, he probably wants his house cleaned (by you or his mother). In addition, he may expect his clothes to be washed, his food cooked and served.

Here’s the thing: I believe all of the above are OK — if he’s your husband. In the same fashion, I believe you can do it for your man too (if he’s going to be your husband). Otherwise, it’s called maid work, and for that reason, you should get paid for it.

What Men Really Want From Women | Photo Credit: Irven Lewis

Are Men Scaredy Cats?

My boy and male BFF said men are intimidated by women who appear (<—- there’s that word again) to have it together.

What’s intimidating about putting our best foot forward, taking pride in our appearance, and wanting substantial, and healthy relationships? One would think those men would prefer women that have it together.

So, help me out fellas, because I don’t get it.


I Still Have No Idea

Finally, if my appearance, my mind, and my heart intimidate you, there’s nothing wrong with me — that makes [you] insecure.  Furthermore, you may need a Fixer Upper, a Fun Girl, or another Mother.

By the same token, I’m still very hopeful the right man will come along. So while I wait, school is open,  and I’m a willing student…

…as you can see, I know very little about what men want.