JennifersHeart Diary Entry: 02

It Was All A Dream

Since late April I have been subjected to online dating because of COVID-19, social distancing, and what feels like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Prior to current events, I had this dream of what it would be like to meet my “knight in shining armor.” Yet, here I am, conforming to what I used to joke about on a daily basis with my coworkers. I called it, “digital love” that isn’t compatible with real life.

With this in mind, I ultimately want a relationship that leads to marriage—and because of that aspiration, I often find myself in the most perplexing situations with men that are full of “startling” antithesis.

It’s Not My Fault

That said, when it comes to online dating, I’m still an old-school dater that loves to be wooed and pursued by a man even though I’m young. Don’t blame me, blame Disney… blame society and the way it has created this knight in shining armor ideology of a man saving a woman. Superman saving Lois Lane, and Peter saving MJ.

A State of Conditioning

Since I was a child, I’ve been sippin’ on that Kool-Aid—addicted to that pitcher of “red.”

Online dating has been like going through “red” withdrawal mixed with all the symptoms you hear about at the end of a wonder-drug commercial. Jay, wrote a blog I love about Dating Disclaimers that was appropriately titled and directly applies to what I’m saying.

I’m so serious, before, or on the first date, it needs to come out…

When dating me, side effects may include:

  • Bad credit
  • Depression
  • STD's
  • Missing finances
  • Broken heart
  • Babies (oh those damn babies)
  • Bad body resulting from the aforementioned babies
  • Low self-esteem
  • Unmanageable fits of anger
  • Uncontrollable alcohol binges
  • Nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
  • Unexplained thoughts of suicide
  • Utter confusion and the ability to remember where the hell you are
  • Job loss
  • Weight gain

The Facts of Online Dating

I heard all the ghost stories about stalkers, fake profiles, catfishing, and everything else that comes with online dating.  I even heard about the profiles that men create where it’s mostly photos of them with their shirt off, wearing shades, somewhere near an expensive car, or, at a nightclub holding a red cup.

Well, I am here to tell you that all the stories are understated. With online, “dating” you get all the above and then some.  The nefarious and duplicitous, mixed with the Benjamin Button wannabees, and the 2 out of 3 men looking for a hookup. Not to mention the married, in a relationship, and men with wives looking for a threesome.

Be that as it may, I had hoped that I’d be proven wrong—but to no avail, here I am complaining about the very thing I cracked jokes about.

" Resentment is the offspring of miscalculation. "

— Jay Thomas, Relationships Etcetera


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"This Can't

Be Life

Or, maybe it is the life I have to look forward to—because as the way the world is currently trending, with COVID-19, I am not the most optimistic about my chances of finding a compatible partner (especially online).  The men I meet, and I’m talking 85% of them are on some “other” ish.  Literally everything I mentioned earlier, plus 20 other things such as misogyny, entitlement, arrogant, and noncommittal. Of course, there are the pretty boys that believe you should worship the clouds they float around on.

Hello, My Name is Grandeur

Did I mention the oiled up, steroid abusers with delusions of grandeur? And, why do they all think my name is “Grandeur?” Even when I tell them it’s Jennifer.

In spite of that, it doesn’t stop them from trying to use their sinewy, godly bodies to entice and entrap me. Posting those “glow filtered” photos on their profiles to hide the hordes of hormone-induced acne all over their skin. It’s funny to me but so tempting during these social distancing months of sexual loneliness and despair.

Honestly… I’m not sure what’s next.

Do you believe that online dating works? Or, do you believe most stories end up like Jennifer's?

Please comment below