First, I want to make sure you understand that, in order to appreciate being in a relationship, you need to be comfortable and happy being single.

There’s nothing wrong with being single.

However, based on what I’ve seen, heard, and read, most of us do not want to be single. We say, “I’m single by choice.” Really? I bet if you could choose, you’d choose to be with someone who you love and trust vs. a bunch of random encounters.

1. Trust

When you’re dating, or simply… “being single,” you love the freedom it offers. Not having to answer to anyone, coming and going as you damn-well please, going out with, hanging, or seeing anyone you want without being questioned.
Or, it offers peace. Not having to deal with the pressures of being in a relationship. The expectations that come with having someone else in your life, on that level.

But what about trust?

We all salivate at the idea of having someone who we can talk too that actually listens and has our best interests at heart. We can tell them anything and completely open up to them to be totally transparent.

Can’t really do that with someone you’re dating, or obviously when you’re not dating at all. At least not in the early stages, which for me is months in.

Having that level of trust, knowing they will be there, knowing they have your back, they support you is something being single just doesn’t offer. And before you say… “well I have friends that do that for me.” True… you probably do. But there’s no friend like a boyfriend or girlfriend. We all know this to be true.

2. Sex

Yes, SEX. For those of us that aren’t into casual sex, this is a huge one. For those of us that don’t want to, “take it there” with whoever we’re casually dating or attracted too … it becomes a bit of a challenge when that urge comes. You’re in a bit of a quandary. Do I break the, “in case of an emergency” you-know-what in a glass? Or, do I distract myself with various tasks?

That being said, people who don’t have casual sex, like sex, just as much as a person that is more sexually… “free.” They just like to be a bit more reserved before fornication occurs. (fornication) that word tickles me.

3. Outings

This one may be a bit tougher for the men vs. the women. Nothing against the ladies, but in most cases, men are paying. and paying more. In another blog here, there are more details on the cost of dating for men vs women.

Single Men

51% of men spend more than $100 per month on dates.
29% spend over $150 per month on dates.

Single man and woman having drinks
photo credit: Matthew Henry

Single Women

87% say they would pick up the check in some cases
66% spend less than $50 a month on dates.  
Percentages and dollar amounts from surveys of single adults ages 21 to 65-plus.  I said in my blog about men and dating, that men need to step up when it comes to paying and never ask a woman to do so. That being said, if you do not have the finances, at the very least, have a budgeted plan for dating.  However, that doesn’t mean that dating, (not philandering) is so expensive and completely fall on a man but it does (for the most part). And if you are a man who is truly in search of a mate or a spouse, this process to find her can get quite expensive. Date after date. Miss after miss. Men feel the burn too. But not in the ego’s or heart but also in their pockets. Dating in this regard definitely sucks for men. Which makes being single overrated.

4. The loneliness of being Single

single and lonely man, sitting by himself in the dark.
Photo Credit: Matthew Henry

I know I don’t like being alone unless I choose And when you want to go to the movies, go out for dinner, just do things that couples do, you don’t want to do it alone. Even being at home alone will have you longing for that time when you could kick back and watch a movie, pop some popcorn and go from there. Yes, you can do this while dating. But there’s that trust reason that comes into play. Inviting someone into your home that you are simply… “seeing.” When you’re already involved with someone seriously, this is a non-factor. Just pick up the phone at any time and invite them over.

Despite what they might say… single men get lonely. When we’re in love, we welcome a woman who interests us, in our space quite often.

Loneliness can also put you in some precarious situations (and positions) as well… with some character that you really don’t want to be with… for the long-term. Because you felt you needed the companionship, you went there and now you regret it.

5. Accountability

I’ve heard the…”I don’t like answering to anyone” speech. But if you’re in a really good relationship where both parties respect each other’s space and time, this never becomes an issue. No one is calling shots or controlling. Everyone has their freedom and has their own lives outside each other.

I get it, some people just like to roam. They like options. They like to come and go as they please. There’s nothing wrong with that. But for the rest of us that are wanting that someone special… coming and going as you please won’t work. There has to be some level of accountability and respect in your relationship. You can’t just do what you want. But if you do it the right way by communicating and showing respect for each other… all the misconceptions about control fade away.

This is why being in a great relationship is a literal state of euphoria. Going on a pointless date after date, after date (after date). Then, ultimately coming right back to where you started, is… an overrated experience.