I had an epiphany today as I watched a young man receive the curve of his life.  Or, should I say, he was, “curved” by a young lady who then proceeded to laugh (with her friends) about how she embarrassed him. This is the very definition of Toxic Curve Culture.

Comparatively, men can curve women too. Nevertheless, this one is about women curving men.

Curving is the swag term for getting rejected or shut down. Any time you’ve been bamboozled, hoodwinked or straight up played by a member of the opposite sex, you most likely got curved. Brobible.com

All things considered, I want to make one thing clear.  Curving someone isn’t cool. There’s always a better way.  However, I do realize there are times when you have to curve someone. Nevertheless, getting curved is the worst feeling ever (especially when it’s unprovoked and unexpected).

Take it from someone that has been there and done that.


Black Women, Black Men Aren’t Intimidated (by you)


That being said, the young man walked off wallowing in his sorrow. His arms dragging like a troglodyte and left to his own devices. I watched him for a few minutes. He was definitely bereft of confidence and pride. Such is the story of many men with the best of intentions when approaching a woman.

Needless to say, this happens often. Some women simply love to curve men.

What does it mean to Curve? (from my perspective)

When I was younger, the term was “diss.” In other words, be disrespectful.  The popular or replacement term today is, “curve.”

Curving can come in many forms.  It could be a text that wasn’t responded to.  An advance that was ignored or rejected (in an intentionally disrespectful way).

Huffington Post’s article about curving,

Loretta Chao, a 35-year-old writer, and editor from New York has curved on occasion, but only when the person seems wholly ambivalent about her.

Many people curve because they have no guarantee you’ll take rejection well, and if you don’t, they don’t want to be seen as a bad person.”


In this case, to curve means to ignore someone blatantly.  However, we all know getting curved can mean many things.

Toxic Curve Culture

There are some women who love to curve men.  Their actions are toxic and downright contagious. It’s a part of the game they play with our emotions. Somehow, they get off by watching men chase and pursue them. Then they watch us flounder around like a beached fish. There are also those that demean the advances of men.  They call it being, “thirsty.”

If a man hits my inbox, I may look at the message (so they can see I looked), but I don’t respond no matter what he says. I just like the attention because the more you ignore men, the more they try. Some even get desperate and offer money, trips, gifts and services.  Why would I give-in to a man when so many are lacing me with with attention. I just curve em’ and they come back harder.   – Lisa

IDGAF honestly.  Some men deserve to be curved. It’s their karma. – Nichole

It’s a part of the dating game. I don’t have to respond to everyone, don’t have to be nice, or engage.  Honestly, I believe women don’t need men. Furthermore, they need us. I am the prize and he needs to seek me out.  Additionally, I prefer persistence in men.  So I’ll curve him at first — but after a few tries I’ll know he’s seriously interested.  – Sarah



There’s definitely a toxic curve culture out there. I remember all the women I held them to the highest esteem even before I met them. When I approached respectfully, they had a wrinkled up face like I shouldn’t be talking to them. Some gave me the wrong number or acted like I wasn’t speaking to them. It was very discouraging bro.

One could easily say that these sociopathic traits, shallow emotions, and incapacity for love are a need for external stimulation. I’m not really sure what they are, but they exist, and they exist often.

Oftentimes, when men talk about being curved, or toxic curve culture, some women will scoff at their feelings. Or, they flat out tell them to choose better and get over it. Remember, this isn’t someone we’re dating. We have no idea what we’re walking into when we introduce ourselves to a woman.  The approach is already difficult and some women have no empathy for how challenging that first inbox, or “Hi my name is…” can be.  As a result, you’re seeing more and more men falling back, not approaching women. These same men want women to start making the first move.

She makes the first move, and you know for sure and remove the “approach anxiety.” No more mixed signals laced with smiles, smirks, and liked photos or posts.